my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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