Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
