I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
