so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
