then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize