everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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