i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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