why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize