I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize