Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
