Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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