my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize