you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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