You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
