I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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