why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
