I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
