dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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