White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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