Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize