Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
