My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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