Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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