the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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