today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dear god my vagina.
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