I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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