She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Pants are for mortals
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
