so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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