thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize