Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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