I am spending my child support on dildos
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
