OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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