I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
