How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize