You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
