How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
