This girl is more easily done than said...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize