That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
