We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize