i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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