that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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