I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
