Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
