I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
