It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize