I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
