the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
