You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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