I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Text me some of your sweat
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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