So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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