Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
