It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
