That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize