Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
