Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
