I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
