Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
