I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
