I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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