I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
