Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize