I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize