What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize