insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
