i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize