just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
