normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
