I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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