proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
is it fun? or sober?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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