I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
