he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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