need another drink. this is the easiest way
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
