dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
