All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
