I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize