I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
