Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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