The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize