Say something about gay babies.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
