im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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